How to avoid sibling jealousy

Sibling jealousy is a natural part of family life, especially when a new baby arrives and an older child, whether a toddler or a school-aged child, has to adjust. No matter the age difference, children may feel displaced, insecure, or even resentful when attention shifts to the new sibling.

However, with thoughtful preparation, clear communication, and a focus on fostering a loving sibling relationship, parents can help minimize jealousy and encourage a strong, lifelong bond.

Understanding sibling jealousy

Sibling jealousy doesn’t affect every child in the same way. Some children welcome a new sibling with excitement, while others struggle with feelings of insecurity or competition. How jealousy manifests depends on the child's temperament, family dynamics, and how parents handle the transition. While some children adjust smoothly, others may show signs of distress or resentment.

When jealousy does arise, it’s important to address it early to prevent long-term rivalry and ensure a positive sibling relationship.

Younger Children (1–5 years old)

Toddlers and preschoolers, are still developing emotional regulation skills and may struggle to express their feelings verbally. Their jealousy often appears in more obvious ways:

• Regressive behavior: Potty-trained toddlers may start having accidents, or they may demand a pacifier or bottle again.
• Attention-seeking actions: The older child might act out, throw tantrums, or become clingy in an effort to regain parental attention.-
• Aggression toward the baby: Some children may attempt to hit or push the baby, while others may say things like, "Send the baby back!"
• Withdrawal: Instead of acting out, some children may become unusually quiet and detached.
• Possessiveness: They may refuse to share toys or say things like, "This is my mommy!"

Older Children (6–12 years old)

Older children understand the changes in the family dynamic but may struggle with more complex emotions, such as feeling overlooked or pressured to act more mature. Their jealousy may appear in more indirect ways:

• Passive jealousy: Instead of openly expressing their emotions, they may ignore the baby, make sarcastic remarks, or act indifferent.
• Competitiveness: They may compare themselves to the baby, feeling that the younger sibling receives more privileges, attention, or affection.
• Resentment over responsibilities: If expected to help with the baby too much, they may feel it’s unfair.
• Acting out in other areas: They might misbehave at school, withdraw from family activities, or seek attention in other ways.
• Emotional sensitivity: They may take minor issues personally and feel like they are being treated differently.

When parents recognize signs of jealousy, they can take early steps to help their child cope better with the arrival of a sibling.

Preparing your child before the baby arrives

Helping your child adjust before the baby arrives can ease jealousy and build excitement.

1. Involve your baby during pregnancy

One of the most effective ways to ease jealousy is to include the older child in the process before the baby arrives. Here’s how:

• Talk about the baby early: Use age-appropriate language to explain that a baby is growing inside Mom’s tummy and will soon join the family.
• Show ultrasound pictures: Let your toddler see and touch the ultrasound images to help them visualize the baby.
• Read books about new siblings: Storybooks featuring characters welcoming a new baby can help your child understand what to expect.
• Play baby care: Give your toddler a doll to “practice” taking care of a baby. This helps them feel included and prepared.

2. Set realistic expectations

Your child may have unrealistic ideas about what having a sibling means. Explain that newborns mostly sleep, cry, and eat, and that they won’t be playmates immediately.

Use simple comparisons - "The baby will be like your stuffed animal for a while—tiny and sleepy!", and avoid overhyping - instead of saying, “You’ll love having a baby sister/brother,” say, “It will take some time to get used to the baby, and that’s okay.”

3. Make changes gradually

If you need to adjust routines (such as transitioning the older child to a different bedroom or stopping breastfeeding), do so several months before the baby arrives to avoid the child associating these changes with the new sibling.

• Move beds or cribs early: If your toddler is transitioning to a bed, make the switch long before the baby arrives.
• Avoid major changes right after birth: If you plan to potty train or wean your child, try to do it well in advance or postpone it until your child has adjusted to the new sibling.

Helping your child adjust after the baby arrives

Make the older child feel special

The arrival of a baby naturally shifts some attention away from the older sibling. To counteract feelings of neglect, ensure your toddler feels valued.

• Present the baby’s arrival in a positive way. Some parents give their older child a small gift “from the baby” to establish a friendly relationship.
• Remind your toddler that they are still special and loved.
• Make your child feel proud of their new role by referring to them as the baby’s “big brother” or “big sister.”

Need inspiration on how to entertain your child? Here are Activities to keep your toddler busy.

Maintain one-on-one time

It’s essential for your toddler to continue receiving individual attention. Even short bursts of focused time can make a big difference.

Spend 10–15 minutes daily doing something the older child loves, whether it's reading, playing, or taking a walk. If possible, one parent can tend to the baby while the other spends time with the toddler.

A baby monitor like Bibino can be incredibly helpful in these moments, allowing you to keep an eye on the baby while dedicating uninterrupted time to your older child. With features like live audio and video streaming, you can ensure your baby is safe while focusing on strengthening your bond with their sibling.

Encourage bonding without forcing it

It’s tempting to push the older child to interact with the baby, but this can backfire if they feel pressured.

• Let them observe: Instead of forcing interaction, allow the older child to watch and get used to the baby at their own pace.
• Praise positive interactions: If your child helps by bringing a diaper or singing to the baby, acknowledge and praise their kindness.

Manage regression and negative behavior with patience

Regression is normal, but how parents react to it determines whether it escalates.

• Stay calm and consistent: If your child suddenly wants a bottle again, offer comfort without making it a big deal.
• Avoid punishment for jealousy: Instead of scolding, validate their feelings by saying, “It’s okay to feel sad or mad. I love you, and we will figure this out together.”

Preventing long-term sibling rivalry

Avoid comparisons

Never compare the two children, even jokingly. Statements like, “The baby sleeps so well, but you never did!” can fuel resentment.

Encourage teamwork

As the baby grows, foster a sense of teamwork. Let the older child help. Simple tasks like handing over a pacifier can boost their confidence.

Always try to take care of the child together. Instead of pushing the baby away by saying, "I have to feed the baby," say, "Let's feed the baby together."

Teach healthy ways to express feelings

Help your child put their emotions into words instead of acting out.

• Use emotion words: Encourage phrases like, “I feel sad when you hold the baby for a long time.”
• Offer comfort and solutions: If your child is upset, hug them and say, “I know you miss my cuddles. Let’s have some snuggle time now.”

Frequently asked questions

1. Why do older siblings feel jealous of a new baby?

Older siblings may feel displaced when attention shifts to the baby. They might worry about losing parental love, struggle with changes in routine, or feel frustrated that the baby requires constant care.

2. How can I prepare my child before the baby arrives?

Involve them in the process—let them feel the baby kick, read books about siblings, and explain what to expect. Reinforce their importance by giving them a "big sibling" role and spending quality time together.

3. What if my child acts out after the baby is born?

Regression, tantrums, or attention-seeking behavior are normal. Stay patient, acknowledge their feelings, and ensure they still receive one-on-one attention. Avoid punishing jealousy and instead focus on reassurance.

4. How do I balance attention between the baby and the older child?

Schedule short, dedicated time with your older child daily. Small gestures—like reading together or involving them in baby care—help them feel valued without needing constant attention.

5. Should I encourage my older child to help with the baby?

Yes, but make it optional. Giving them small, age-appropriate tasks like bringing a diaper or singing to the baby can help them feel involved without feeling burdened.

6. What if my child dislikes their sibling?

Don’t force affection. Instead, encourage small positive interactions, praise kind behavior, and allow their bond to grow naturally over time.

7. How can I prevent long-term sibling rivalry?

Avoid comparisons, set fair rules, and encourage teamwork. Help them find activities they can enjoy together and foster a home environment where both children feel equally loved.

Final thoughts

Preventing sibling jealousy in young children requires patience, empathy, and proactive parenting. By preparing your toddler before the baby arrives, maintaining their sense of importance, and fostering a positive sibling bond, you can help them transition smoothly.

Remember, occasional jealousy is natural, but with love and reassurance, your children will develop a lifelong sibling bond. The goal isn’t to eliminate all negative feelings but to create a home environment where both children feel equally valued and secure.